It's Time...

This is it! It's time to start making myself accountable for my weight. If I'm ever going to even pretend to keep up with my children, and be completely satisfied with myself, I need to make some changes. BIG changes! And the longer I put it off, the more weight I'll gain.

As embarrasing as it may be to publicly talk about my weight problem, I've decided it's worse to pretend it doesn't exist and continue to gain, or worse yet, to know that it exists, talk about it, complain about it, and continue to do nothing about it! I'm hoping by publicly expressing and documenting my desire to change, I will feel more accountability to change. Even if I'm my only reader, by actually documenting changes, I will be encouraged to make changes to document. I certainly don't want to be logging on week after week, month after month, admitting there has been no change.

I've struggled with my weight most of my life. In high school it was easier to maintain because I had P.E. classes everyday (I took P.E. for 4 years even!), and though you wouldn't guess it by looking at me now, I was on the swim team and I played water polo. Even in college (community college) I took an aerobics class every semester and I was on the swim team there for a little bit too! I still love to swim but the idea of getting into a bathing suit now just depresses me. I like to be active but have found myself becoming less and less active because things seem to require more energy than I have. I served a mission in Argentina and walked everywhere for 18 months, lost 40 lbs, was the lowest weight I'd been since high school, and my mom didn't even recognize me when I got home! She kept looking right past me at the airport! But every time I've lost weight, I've gained it back and then some.

Several months ago I tried Weight Watchers and I lost 10 pounds but then I got too busy to attend meetings and I just kind of lost it. I've since gained those 10 pounds back plus 3 or 4 more. I now weigh about 5 lbs less than I did when I was 9 months pregnant with Ryan! That is a scary thought. What's more, truthfully, I can't even blame my extra weight on being pregnant because with Ryan I weighed 2 lbs less after he was born than I did at my first appt with him--I only gained 21 lbs total with him--and with Ben, I only gained about 26 lbs total, most of which came off when he was born.

Why do I struggle so?! Well, I guess the number one reason is I love to eat! I love food! Can you blame me? It's good!! The number two reason is that I don't exercise like I used to anymore. I used to do all sorts of exercise. Even on my own, outside of classes, I would do Tae-Bo, walking, I tried pilates, and even some of my own swimming on occasion. I didn't mind doing any of it but between job changes and major life changes, my habits dissolved and my focus shifted. I've "let myself go."

But no more! I went hiking last friday (see http://www.tannerfamilytales.blogspot.com/) and it was a very difficult hike for me due to my excess weight. Paul carried Ben on his shoulders and a backpack on his back the whole way up as did Kendra with Ryan and a backpack and here I was stopping every 20 feet huffing and puffing. I made it. That was the good part. I did make it to the end but it would have been much easier if I weren't carrying around an extra 100 lbs. Something needs to be done if I'm going to continue to go hiking with my little family.

So what's the plan? Well for now I'm not necessarily going to change what I eat as much as how much I eat. No more seconds on meals. I will need to cut out the extra sweets here and there but for the most part I'm going to start with portion control. I don't think I eat poorly as much as I just eat too much. As the weight starts coming off, then I may have to adjust my diet a little to make sure I continue to lose and don't plateau. But for now, I'll just worry about eating less. And then I also will want to make sure I'm drinking enough water on a daily basis because I know that will help a lot not only to cleanse my body but to curb my hunger.

The other thing I'm going to do is start exercising and getting my heart rate up a little every day. I'll start with at least 30 minutes a day, 4-5 days a week since that's the normal doctor recommended timeframe. I still have my Tae-Bo tapes as well as some pilates DVDs which may be helpful but even easier than that, Paul's grandmother sold me her Gazelle and that's pretty easy to set up and take down everyday. I have the tools to exercise so I will just need to start taking the time to actually use them. I could use the Gazelle when the boys are napping and then, come to think of it, Ryan may just enjoy trying to do Tae-Bo with me and it would be a good way for him to start developing a love of exercise. (He may be a little young still and he obviously doesn't have any weight to lose but I figure it can't hurt him!)

The last thing I need to do is document my starting point and my desired end result, the short term and the long term goals. This is the more embarrasing, humiliating part. On the other hand, it also becomes the exciting motivator when I can see where I started and how far I've come. So here it goes:

My starting weight: 235. My desired weight: 140. Short term goals: Lose 5-8 lbs per month. Long term goal: Lose 95 total lbs. Total probable length of trial: 12-19 months. To be quite honest, I don't think I've ever set a goal like this with such detail and documentation so to accomplish this feat it will take a lot of patience. I would appreciate any and all encouragement as well as random reminders and inquiries about my progress. I will try to post every week or two to give updates.

So for those of you who made it to the end of this very long blog, thank you. Now you know my actual weight, please don't use it against me. Wish me luck!